This post may be controversial. And I don’t care.

I think it is time that entertainers stand up and improve on their marketing and communications. Some of you will agree with me and others will be offended. 

How dare I belittle someone’s sales copy. 

Today, I’m going to show you what it would be like if major brand products began to sell themselves the same way most entertainers do. 

Forget what you know about each brand.

Then discover what you learn about why you should buy their product …

TIDE the detergent for every occasion

“Detergent Superstar” seems overkill, but TIDE has earned the title. 

Tide has swept the nation, appearing in the laundry rooms of major hotels, corporations, cleaning companies, cruise ships and even your neighbor’s home.

Tide has appeared on every major television and cable network. It has help clean the clothes of Angelina Jolie, Cher, Danny Devito and the Pope.

Tide has also appeared as an extra in many movies, making it a true world-wide movie star.

Tide has been nominated for hundreds of awards and been twice voted the Best Detergent in Cincinnati, OH. 

Tide is making laundry hip again!

When carbonation, sugar and artificial coloring combine:

Coca-Cola!

Specializing in providing cavities to the whole family.

Coca-Cola has been a professional soft drink company for over 133 years. Our founders learned the art of mixing chemicals from the late Dr. Pepper, who developed his formula one year earlier, in 1885. Coke carries on this tradition of creating great beverages through added sugar and empty calories.

When you bring Coca-Cola to your event, you can be sure everyone will have fun. Even the diabetics!  Coca-Cola has appeared in the same supermarkets as other famous sodas such as Mountain Dew and Jarritos Mexican drinking water.

Bayer – America’s Most Award Winning Aspirin!

Bayer has traveled around the world, soothing the headaches and thinning the blood of countless people. It has also won awards that other aspirin brands are still struggling to acquire.

What People are saying about Bayer:

“It is definitely an aspirin.” – Johnson & Johnson

“My doctor tells me to take it everyday,” – Mike M. Pittsburgh

“Bayer is the best aspirin in the world.” – Bayer’s Mom

Based out of a pharmaceutical manufacturing warehouse in Bombay India, Bayer has created its own unique style of world class medicine. Aspirin with a twist that will astound people with headaches as their blood pressure lowers and pain disappears right before their eyes.

Bayer is currently the most award winning aspirin in America. It is also the “medicinal idol” for all other medications, a title awarded Bayer by the prestigious International Brotherhood of Children’s Physicians at their annual potluck dinner.

Harley Davidson – Dispersing Dullness One Rider At A Time.

For your motorcycle, call 555-555-5555 today to reserve it before it rides away.

Imagine a time when people actually cared about others. This is the world that Harley Davidson rides in. With courtesy and style, Harley Davidson will change your entire life. You won’t believe your eyes as the bike responds to your every command. 

With a special blend of interactive driving, everyone enters a world where they can ride too. Whether for young people, old people, people of diversity, right down to the toddler who can’t walk … Harley Davidson brings excitement to you.

People Are Talking:

“Dear Harley Davidson, I wanted to thank you for helping to make the Easter Egg Roll at the White House a success.” – The President’s Wife

“We were looking for something that could appeal to everyone. People who have literally seen it all. Harley Davidson was recommended and it helped us kick the drive off in fashion.” – Some Random Guy that walked in the dealership, Detroit, MI.

Nike the Tennis Shoe

Tennis Shoe from Baha, California.
$200 – $20,000 a pair.

All of our sneakers are clean, family oriented shoes. They have appeared in Ministries, Corporate Speaking, commercials, TV, movies and parades. Many of our shoes can be seen at major sporting events.

The owner of Nike has been wearing sneakers since he was a kid, but he didn’t start making them until 1979. Since then his sneakers were featured in two movies and he is hoping they will soon get a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.

Nike has appeared on America’s Got Talent, 60 Minutes and Good Morning Decatur, IL.  

Nike can tailor their shoes to fit everyone. Their goal is to make people forget their foot problems until the shoes are removed. They offer people participation whether you are dancing or taking a walk. 

Call Nike now.  Travel charges may apply.

Silcon Valley’s Master Computer Makers: APPLE

Looking for a master computer? Look no further than Apple, who has been specializing in computers in and around Silcon Valley for over 30 years. Kids enjoy typing on Apple computers. Adults love them too. Your friends will be jealous when you have an Apple!

Also known as a  “Mac”, Apple has won several awards for their computers. They have appeared across the country and are used by top companies. Each Mac is guaranteed to be age appropriate so they are engaging for the children.

Macs can even be adjusted to pre-schoolers too so they will understand what Apple wants them to. Apple has the ability to combine technology with hardware to put a sparkle in the eyes of everyone. Apple can provide the computer you have been looking for.

Wow! I want to run out and buy them all now!

Did you really learn anything about those products by those descriptions? All of which were adaptations of actual copy on entertainers’ websites.

Want to sell your act?

Study how the big boys do it. 

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